New PC....

I got a new computer this morning after a tragic accident last night with my laptop that resulted in a broken screen... I was devestated but things are looking up I think, at least better than when I went to sleep....


+

I'm back!

Ohhh it feels good to be back.. I haven't had internet in soo long!!!!!!! The Comcast man came today and dropped off the modem and we got it all set up this evening ( I had to go to squatmart for an ethernet before we could use it) but Its ONLINE! This is the longest I have gone without having a connection of my own.. A month, I feel so cut off!!!!!

Temple, Axiety and ER Fun!

Just some more pictures of the boys we took them down to the temple on Saturday, the museum and just looking around. They had fun..

I over did myself and had a panic attack that afternoon that was soo bad I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the ER.. After a battery of tests they had no real explaination for what was going on other than all the stress I am going through was probably causing me to have a severe anxiety attack. Great!!

Pool Days!!

The pool opened this past friday at our appartments and the kids have been going NUTS.. Everyday they have wanted to and have gone and they have a blast.

Jack and Matt wear life jacket still but Andrew is quite the swimmer. He is our hard-core swimming kid, he will stay in the pool long after we get in the hot tub to warm up.

So far we haven't had to fight off too many other people. Mostly because it was a holiday weekend and people were probably out and about.

Even Darienne has enjoyed going down ( always on the lookout for a hot young boy of course!)...

Memorial Day

I thought why not go to Salt Lake and take the kids to see what it was all about, since we live here and its such an interesting place. 5 times saltier than the ocean, no animals to worry about since its uninhabitable and you can't sink, your so boyant anyone can swim... I probably should have noticed that there weren't a lot of people on the sandy shore and not many in the lake..

It was pretty exciting just being there, the kids were so ready to swimming. I had everything we needed and headed down the trail to the shore. The first thing we noticed was the putrid smell, Matt and Jack were gagging. Darienne and Andrew did their best, but the smell was overpowering. Andrew was on a hunt for rocks after that and Matt wasn't far behind him. Darienne just wanted to text on the phone

After that we down a little further to a sandier beach and we were all ready to go diving in for a swim... Well everyone but Darienne. She agreed to wade in and sit on an island. It was great fun until the boys (Matt and Jack ) started crying and screaming "It BURNS, IT BURNS"... :/ So much for our adventure at the lake.. Matt eventually stopped freaking out and he layed in a shallow pool and just enjoyed the sun for a bit. Jack and I went out a little further and floated a little bit. Andrew and Justin had a blast, they were out there a ways and said they could not sink.

We got out and sat on the sand for a little bit and the amount of salt that was drying on my skin was incredible..

It was definitely an adventure. Gorgeous, but I think the next time we go back to the Great Salt lake I will be in a boat...

Still here...........

Still here!

One more day in Oregon...... Our car had to go to the car Dr. again this morning because the engine light came on last night. Its back and all ready to go so we will leave tomorrow am... I am ready to go home but I am also apprehensive to leave. Out in the world again by ourselves. I will miss Justin's Mom's cooking, lol..

Saturday fun...........

Its just me being silly taking a picture of myself in the basement when I was helping Justin today..........

My boys ( Justin and Jack ) are taking a nap, they are both worn out from the work they did today.

Jack had a blast today.. He got to ride/drive the tractor and was soo happy he had a perma grin. I got some cute pics:

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream..

Its late.. Really late.. Just laying here waiting for my sleeping meds to kick in.

I am troubled...

I miss the kids, they need me. I need to get back to Utah. I am so worried about Matt and Darienne. Andrew is doing good, he is my good boy, him and Darienne are holding everything together for me until I get there.

I have so much around me going on, I feel like I am in a snow globe and the snow is everything swirling around me so much I can't see through it.

my sweet baby boy!!!

We had a LONG day today and before we knew it the day had turned to night... Justin's parents came down to see how we were progressing and wouldn't you know the house was a wreck! :/ I had a migraine for a good portion of the afternoon and laid down and had just started on it when they came by...

They asked if they could take Jack home while we locked up and he was more than happy to get in their car and go, silly boy ;) When we got up to the house he was eating with Justin's dad and had really chowed down! We were all curled up on the couch watching a show called "In the Wild" when Moses the domesticated panther cat crawled up on our laps and let Jack know he did not want competition. Jack had enough and crawled up on Jim's (Justin's Dad) and fell asleep... It was so sweet I had to take a picture :D

Maggie Moo-Moo

Darienne got a kitten last week. We were driving around South Jordan and we drove past a man who was holding up and adorable Black kitten. We turned around and stopped and went to see what it was about.. The kitten was scared and growled at us, but I just knew she was Perfect! He had another long haired white kitten that was absolutely adorable but this kitten was the one for us..

Darienne named her Moo-Moo.. She will have to elaborate on that one, I can't remember why she named it that other than we ate at an ice cream place called Maggie Moo-moo's the night before..

Darienne has fallen in love with the kitten and it is truely her cat.. I think its good for her ;)

Crazy Day

Today when we were out and about on an adventure downtown Eugene we were parked in the parking lot when a red subarau slammed into the car and tried to drive away.... Justin got out and tried to get the plate and I layed on the horn and the car backed up and did it again, and again and then scratched the entire side of his car along ours as I was honking the horn..

It was an elderly man, very confused and should NOT have been driving. At first he was mad and tried to leave, but there was a detective out of uniform at the store we were parked at and he was witness to the whole calamity..

When we left the parking lot I looked across the street and saw this van with this Arizona license plate... I had to share.. Why????????

Goat Child......

The day before we left for Oregon I had to go to Urgent care... There was a little boy there whose name was Darien. He was running around wild and hit the wall and put a huge dent in it. I couldn't help myself but taking a picture of it. The mom eventually got the little boy up by it and I got a picture of that as well. Shameless I am, but it was amusing at the time...

Tuesdays gone...

Yesterday was fairly unproductive.... We went to Alsea to check on my mother and that was about it... We spent the rest of the afternoon sorting out things in our old house since we still have a TON of furniture we were not able to take to Utah and will have to sell. Being there makes me feel lost and its no longer home...

We quit early and came up to Justin's parents house early and Jack who had been BEGGING to ride the 4 wheeler got to go for a short ride in the driveway before it got dark. He was thrilled and keeps talking about it...

Last night Justin's mom read books to Jack which was the first time she has taken any initiative to have any one on one with him so it was a step in acceptance.

I can't wait to get back home to Darienne and the boys... Utah is home now.

Feeding the Fishies

We were being lazy and had a late start this morning and Jack wanted to feed the fish so Justin and Jack went to feed them.. There are two ponds of koi, they fed the smaller ones. I snuck out with my camera and caught them ;)

Exploring Down by the Temple....

Before we left Utah a few days ago, Darienne, Justin and I went exploring downtown by the temple in Salt Lake City. It was Gorgeous. The tabernacle was amazing, the temple was incredible ( from the outside of course) and there were so many beautiful flowers planted. I took some pics of us being silly of course...

Sadness............

I am disgusted with my father... For reasons I can't yet talk about on here, but one I just have to get out and off my chest...
Today while we were in Alsea, Justin pulled my Dad aside outside and talked to him privately and apologized about how he had treated me in the last few weeks before I left for Utah and that he hoped he could some day forgive him. My Father replied with a question "(smirk) what did she do?" As if I had caused or deserved that.........

Now, If I was born into another age or culture where women are treated like dogs I could learn to find this acceptable. But being born in 1977 in the United States of America I am NO ones bitch!

I am so hurt that my own father would think this way :(

scared.....

I had a long day today, most of which I spent in Alsea with my Mother. I wasn't able to spend Mother's Day with her yesterday so I tried to make up for it today. I bought a card on the way, last minute shopping and picked a bouquet of wild flowers and brought them to her.
It was good seeing her. I haven't seen her since Easter and Easter was a confusing time for everyone. And I got to spend time with her alone since my sister and Dad were otherwise occupied.
I am worried about my mother, much more than I have ever been. She is most likely, scientifically speaking 14 weeks into her gestation. Tomorrow I am dragging her to the dr. to see what is going on and what to do now.
Out of all the trouble with all that is going on with David and the kids, this is way more than I can take right now. I am worried for her health and safety... Ughh!!

psycho?

Ha.... I couldn't help but take a pic... The Bates MoteL?? Are you kidding me?? We didn't stop long, just enough for the picture... Seriously, who would stay here???

Back to Utah (the first time)

Our trip back to Utah started off typical. The pictures explain it all:

We hadn't left the driveway and Jack was crying and saying that Darienne had called him names...

We stopped a few times down the road. We found some rocks at a potty stop and even Darienne got into it. There was obsidian everywhere and Darienne found a big rock that she is bound and determined to sell it on eBay to make some money for her shopping habit ;)

It was a nice trip.... The rain followed us from Oregon all the way to Utah. It felt so good to be back even though we had a trailer full of stuff to unload and unpack and the Tahoe was packed full of stuff.

I went back to the house and got the rest of the things from David's house. It was chaotic. Most of Jack's clothes are missing and I gathered alll of my things that I had taken with me.

There is probably a mis-conception about why and what I was doing there, and why my thingshad to be retrieved. Put simply, I went to Utah with David and the kids and less than five days later I had to leave. Jack and Darienne came with me and Matt and Andrew remain with him for now.

Any respect I had for David is gone. If I thought he was an asshole before, it is nothing compared to how he treated me in the few days I spent with him. I left Oregon in short notice, leaving Justin a goodbye letter and I didn't think things could go on anymore. I went to Utah with David and the kids because he was going, taking Andrew and I saw it as a way out. It wasn't and I regreted my decision from the time I left Eugene. I spent most of my two and a half day trip in a prescription drug induced haze that can only be recalled through pictures and Darienne's testimony.

Justin found my letter when he got home later that day and quickly figured out where I had gone. He dropped everything and drove straight to Utah to find me. I had talked with him briefly via email a few times but we had no idea that we were that close.

The night of the "alamo" we both stayed in the same hotel with NO knowledge of either one staying there.

The day before I left David's house we had been fighting for days and I just wanted to get out. I got ready for the day, put a few extra things in my purse and told David I was going to go for a walk. I did, but by that time I had contacted Justin to help me and he rescued me yet again.

Now I am back to square one, trying to rebuild my relationship with Justin and trying to keep myself together. We found a lovely townhouse just a few miles from David's house and the kids will be able to go to the same school district no matter who they live with.

Our first trip back to Utah we managed to bring a few things but we are really starting over. Its a new life and we are LOVING Utah......

i
n

Back to Oregon Part 1

unlike Oregon, it seems you have to pump your own gas every where else. I got out of the car and tried to help wash the windows in a desolate town in Idaho that I never wish to go back to. It was windy, dirty and not for me. It didn't stop Darienne and I from posing for a picture though....

Darienne, Jack, Justin and I left for Oregon on April 25th.. We started out early and despite the ocassional fight between Jack and Darienne it was a quiet trip.. We drove and drove until we reached Ontario, Oregon and checked into a hotel for the night and left early the next morning.

We made it back to Eugene about five that day. We stayed a week at his parents and during the day we packed our house and finished up some loose ends.