The Memoirs

I LOVE baby FEET!!!!

2010-08-20T01:20:00.003-06:00

Pictures from Zoey's Grand Entrance :)

2010-08-20T01:14:00.003-06:00

Zoey!

2010-08-20T00:41:00.000-06:00

I am now a Grandmother. My grand-daughter Zoey was born early Monday morning at 8:14. Darienne did so good and was very brave and after labor started 30 hours earlier, our newest Princess arrived. She came out, eyes open and bright and ready for the world. She got 9, 9 on her apagar scores. She was born 7 pounds 10 ounces and 19 and 3/4 inches long. Light hair that looks just like Darienne's blonde hair use to be and huge blue eyes. She has an adorable pout with her lip and she is very precious. I got to spend the first two nights with them at the hospital and I enjoyed being there for them so very much. My Princess is breastfeeding!! I am soo proud of the both of them. Next post is more pics!!!

Santa Claus is coming to town...

2009-12-08T22:25:00.004-07:00

Took Jack to see Santa today.. He had me write a letter and he adorned it with stickers and took it and hand delivered it to Santa Claus..

Pumpkins!

2009-10-09T15:45:00.001-06:00

the pumpkin patch right by the house...

Jack!

2009-10-09T15:40:00.002-06:00

Jack pooped on the potty allll by himself...

It was really quiet and my mom went to investigate what he was up to and he was sitting on the toilet.. This is momentous for Jack. He has not had any interest in potty training for the last several months..

After he washed his hands, he came up to me and said "Can I have my Geo Traxx now?"
(we have been promising him a new train if he would go)

Yay Jackie!

Matt and the Tooth Fairy

2009-08-23T10:08:00.004-06:00

Matt lost another tooth Friday night. HE was soo excited and pleaded with him to wait. But it fell out and the tooth fairy was very sleepy that night.
She cleaned bathrooms, the litterbox, did lots of laundry and it was 3:30 before everyone was completely asleep and the tooth fairy felt safe enough to come out...

Happy Birthday To Me!

2009-08-23T09:31:00.005-06:00

Yesterday was my birthday.. Today my un-birthday... Technically speaking - I was born on or about midnight on August 22 or Early August 23 in an emergency c-section and both my mother and I were so critical at the time of my birth, none of the attendents looked at the clock until after midnight. Since they had wheeled my mom into the room right before twelve they put August 22 on my certificate. This VITAL information is something I learned only a few years ago. Which leads me to wonder am I really born today?? Most likely.. So for the past four years I have two birthdays.. :) Which is good only if your NOT getting old..

I was bad yesterday.. The thing I wanted most, what I had not had in months. A triple shot caramel macchiato with extra caramel and extra foam. It was heaven in my mouth.. I enjoyed every drop, licked the straw ( as usual ) and for several hours I was buzzed on the esspresso zipping through my viens....

I went on a hunt for ebay shopping at the local thrift store. Here in Utah its called DI, or Deseret Industries. Its better than any thrift store I have ever been to, the selection, price and sheer volume is uncomparable. I have had so much fun buying from them. Last hunt we found a pair of brand new Oilily Jeans that we paid $3.00 for and I sold for $17.50. I can shop and then make a little extra money doing it.

It was hot yesterday. 104°. Originally the plan was to take the kids to the zoo, but there was NO way I was toting 4 hot and cranky kids around in that heat.

We went to dinner. Steak is always good. I love a good steak. I was really, really bad and ordered an appletini. I couldn't help it. Applebees - they are my favorite. Of course I felt silly, but that was as crazy as I get.

I am officially 32 now, anyway you look at it. I cried last night. I don't want to be old. I hate this part of life.

On a top note, I bought gap skirt SIZE ONE! when into a kid shoe store and bought myself shoes and found a kid gap sweater at the thrift store. So maybe after all I am really am still a that child I feel like I am inside ;)

A sense of getting somewhere!!!!

2009-08-21T16:19:00.002-06:00

I just checked the mail and this came!!! I am sooo excited.. I don't have to pay the fees for the divorce. They will be waived and I can get through this. Its such a relief.. AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......... :D

Brownies and Cookies??

2009-08-20T21:39:00.002-06:00

Thanks to Shanna who introduced this awesome product into my life. I finally, finally found it in the grocery store.. I guess shopping at Target all the time doesn't always pay off ( for the record I found the mix at Walmart :X )...

Darienne begged and begged me to make it all day long and finally I did. We waited for some piece and quiet and enjoyed them... Here is our story :P

Here I go....

2009-08-20T11:20:00.003-06:00

Its Official...
I am naked without any medical insurance for the first time in almost 18 years. I went to the pharmacy counter last night to pick up three of my meds and discovered that my insurance was terminated the day before, and NOT at the end of the month as I had been aware of..

I am scared. My meds are a big part of my life. Without them I cannot function normally.

I cannot afford them by myself. Imitrex alone is $856.00 by its self.. That is essential.

Not to mention the other meds I have that are going to be more than I can pay and I will have to NOT have.. somethings GOT to give!!!!

Frustrations....

2009-08-13T16:12:00.003-06:00

ACKK!!!

I am frustrated..

I just got off the phone with Child support. I swear they employ nit-wits down there. 8 months my case has been active and they haven't gotten to it. Infact he was completely fine about the fact I am getting less than $500 a month for 4 kids!! When I informed him that according to Utah he should be paying $1500, he asked me where I got that information. I told him the divorce papers, and that was their calculation. Now, he is telling me that since there is already an order for Andrew, Matt and Darienne for the amount set in 2002 I need to let Utah know. ACKK.. I really hope this doesn't put my case here up in any way.. I don't understand why they are so lame down there at Child Support Services in Oregon.
So here I sit, upset, nervous and really wishing I hadn't talked to the worker in Oregon. What good did it do, other than make me feel more insecure about things??
At least he did put an order in for the new job with the information I have been calling him incecently for the last TWO weeks. Way to go, If I had access to my information I would have done it back in freaking JANUARY!
I also gave him David's address.. He said he would have to confirm it, and it wasn't confirmed. Ok.. Thats great. Now, do your freaking job!! BLAH..

Ok.. :/ I'm just a little cranky now...

At least the boys are being good. Matt is taking a cat nap and Jack and Andrew are watching cartoons..

Sometime you feel like a Xanax, SOMETIMES you don't ;)

French Toast! :)

2009-08-13T10:20:00.003-06:00

To Matt and Jack's encouragement I made French Toast for breakfast.. Something I haven't done in FOREVER. YUM! If I made it every morning oh how fat I would be :)

I am trying to do better today, but its a slow go. Laundry is going, so thats good.
I am fighting the urge to crawl back in bed and have the comfort and soothing feel of the sheets and pillows make everything better..

The boys are being good. Getting along and being boys. Darienne is sleeping in. No surprise..

I am reading the Stand (again)... One of those books that is big enough that it never gets old...

Now if I could only find the motivation to scrapbook today.. Thats what I need...

lost...

2009-08-12T19:43:00.003-06:00

I need to get it together.. I am seriously slacking the engergy, motivation and desire to do much of anything these days..

I did manage to find my domestic side enough to make dinner and that is about it..

The laundry is piling up, the bedroom is littered with scrapbook stuff that I went through DAYS ago, but have since lost the want to do any... I should pick it up, put it away, but if I do that, when will I get it out again???

I made my bed, only to crawl back into it. I battled a migraine most of the day. I am low on meds and didn't take any thing for it.

I guess I am just feeling lost...

Blah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-12T11:05:00.003-06:00

Ughh..

Another tag game with the child support worker..

I have been trying to reach him for the last two weeks off and on and I have given him information and YET he has still to update our information, contact me or anything. I won't get any child support until he does.. How frustrating...

LAME-O!

2009-08-12T09:15:00.004-06:00

This poor woman is still dealing with this psycho... I can't help but LMAO at the title of her book and hope she makes $$ from it. It makes me sick that he has the nerve to even think he can sue. What a lame ass.. I might have to find this book and read it...

Here is the article c/p"

Joey Buttafuoco will be holding a press conference Wednesday to discuss his lawsuit against his ex-wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco, and the "defamatory content" in her new bestseller, Getting It Through My Thick Skull - Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know.
Such a fantastic title!!!!!!
Joey's lawyer claims the allegations made by Mary Jo in her tell-all are "venomous lies," primarily the "countless references… describing and diagnosing him as a sociopath."
His lawyer also goes on to say that the "defamatory statements are beyond the pale" and has transformed his client into "a pariah in the community, causing him not just public embarrassment but the loss of business."
Oh, boo-hoo!
Buttafuoco is not only suing his ex wife, he's also suing Publishing Company Health Communication Inc., the publisher responsible for distributing Mary Jo's book.
His affair with an underage Amy Fisher, charges of auto insurance fraud and picking up hookers tarnished Buttafuoco's name - not the book!

Pissy, Pissy!

2009-08-09T11:33:00.003-06:00

Frustration.. The kids are home. They spent the night with their "dad" and Darienne has come home acting strange. She was mad at me because she wanted to go back and help him clean his house since it was a disaster, but the day we left I had it cleaned, vacuumed and there is no reason he can't get off his ass and throw HIS things away especially if he is only taking care of HIMSELF!!!! I am so pissed off right now..
Its Sunday, we are all supposed to be getting ready for church and Darienne wants to sit on her bed and ignore me. Be pissed at me, and I can't deal with it today.
So, Off I go, to get the boys ready, and myself halfway decent since this is the first outing since my hospital stay. I am kind of nervous about it....
Blah...
Can I go back to bed yet????????????

The Lovely Bones...

2009-08-09T11:17:00.003-06:00

Finally!!!! My book is going to be a movie!!! I can't wait to see it. Its been years since I heard it would be going into a movie and finally this winter it will be released!

waste of time.

2009-08-08T11:20:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a full day. I had a dr. appointment ( who didn't do a freaking thing) It was a follow up from my Hospital stay and the damn doctor didn't even take my vitals. He was absolutely UN-Professional, UN-Personable and didn't give a rats ass how I am doing. He said I needed t0 be seen by a phychiatrist and that was the just of my appointment. Waste of time, waste of co[payment. Blah... How hard is it do get a dr. that actually cares about their patiends. Why was no blood work up done? and why the hell did they not take my sugar level??
Bllha.. As always I have pleanty to bitch about, but such is life.. He would no write me any RXs; and I am out of three rx's.. Its been more than a month.. I hate being treated like this. Its retarded. My Doctor is out of town and I got some towel head to treat me yesterday. Yes, I know its a racial slur but when I have been going to the doctor for almost 20 years, and have him not only deny my whole relationship with their doctor, Meds were my purpose for going to keep my migraines in check. So, this is my life.. I have four pain pills left to get me until When??? You better believe the next migraine we aer going to the er and they can treat me there, A-hoes
My insurance is ending at the end of August. I am terrifed..
I also had the divorce papers turned in yesterday while we were out and about and filed that he has recieved the documents. 30 days from now and it will be over.. Strange to think..

Darienne was babysitting with Andrew but decided to go to their dads and we met them in the parking lot of our aptartment building heading out. Really kind of confusing because we were NOT expecting the kids to leave...

But it was a nice, quiet night were we layed in the living room all snuggled up watching Animal Planet ( lol ) and wound up in bed watching Hide and Seek before I totally konked out.....

My vision is still really blurry and I am having a hard time with my balance. I keep fallling over and there is nothing I can do, exept try and not do what is it I am supposed to do. I can't read my scripture yet, its too blury

BUUT!!!! On a happy Note, I am feeling devious today and want to get a Startbucks.... Its been MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I can justify it :)

Last WWI Veteran :(

2009-08-07T08:45:00.003-06:00

WOW.. I am just getting really old.. I can't believe this is it.. I remember when there were still Civil War Vets still around!!! This is amazing/incredible/sad all at the same time. How honorable that he is being recognized.. C/P caption and article below:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090806/ap_on_re_eu/eu_britain_last_tommy

The coffin of Britain's last World War I infantry veteran Harry Patch, is carried away after his memorial service at Wells Cathedral in Wells, England, Thursday, August 6, 2009. As a mark of reconciliation, soldiers from Britain, Belgium, France, and Germany, at left, walked behind the hearse carrying the coffin as it was driven through Wells, where thousands of people lined the streets to watch the funeral procession of Patch, who died aged 111, and who was a veteran of the Third Battle of Ypres in 1917

Scrap Fever

2009-08-06T11:28:00.001-06:00

I am trying really hard to be positive.. I am surrounded by my scrapbooking totes and trying to organize what I have left. I think I feel some scrap-i-n-g coming on!!!! :D

Blank...

2009-08-06T08:39:00.003-06:00

So.. I have been sitting here thinking a lot about what has transpired over the last week.
I left my apartment on Friday night in an ambulance and woke up almost three days later, with no knowledge of being totally unconcious for that time. When I woke, I thought it was a few hours, not a few days..
I can't imagine what it was like. I don't remember any grand close to death light at the end of the tunnel. It was just Blank. Painless but blank.
When I woke up, I have been slowly relearning my motor skills... I can type better today, the first day back home, it was like Jack typing. I still can't read ( unless I make the font HUGE), everything is really blury and I am really thirsty all the time.

Snake!

2009-08-05T20:15:00.004-06:00

So this is the snake that caught my eye and I made Justin stop so I could get a closer look at it. Seriously, I am terrified of anything that slithers but there was something intriguing about this one. We stopped to pet her for about 20 minutes, even got Darienne to pet her. Jack had a ball, and Me... Well... At least I got close enough for a touch... Something I have never done.. Something my Andrew would have enjoyed.

MIA

2009-08-04T22:55:00.002-06:00

Ohh its just me... I'm back from a 5 day vaction to the ICU but things are looking much brighter.. I can't remember being an inpatient without having a baby involved, but I made due.
My blood sugar was uncontrolable - 390. Bleck.. I received insulin shots for two days. My arms look like I fell victim to a mad scientist. I have bruses and marks all over them from getting new iv lines and shots.. My fingers are tender because they were checking my blood sugar that way. Finally they managed to keep it under control earlier today and I got to com home.
It was an awful experience, most of which I was not conscious or can remember. I went in Friday and I woke up yesterday. Where the time went I will never know.
My blood pressure was off the wall high and my pulse rate went as high as 160 ( resting! ).. Can we say STRESSED A LITTLE??
But I am home now, safe in bed, next to my Jack and Justin and just waiting for Mr. Sandman to bring me some dreams so I can follow..

And in the news....

2009-07-30T23:58:00.002-06:00

Shopaholic died under purchases

The body of an elderly shopaholic was found underneath a pile of clothing and other items after she died of natural causes, an inquest heard.

Joan Cunnane's bungalow was so crammed with purchases it took five visits to the house before she was found.

She had refused to let her friends into the house in Heaton Mersey, Stockport Magistrates' Court was told.

Her friend Roy Moran said the 77-year-old started shopping to escape youths who once plagued her home.

Mr Moran told the court: "She said it gave her pleasure to buy things, she only bought things she really liked."

Mr Moran last saw his friend on Christmas Day 2008 when they had lunch together.

'Substantial pile'

He visited her bungalow in Rosgill Close four days later and found the side door ajar, but the premises was stacked from floor to ceiling with "bric-a-brac".

"He couldn't see her anywhere and got no response," said coroner John Pollard.

Mr Moran said he visited Miss Cunnane's house on three occasions without seeing her.

Shopaholic died under purchases

Concerned neighbours called police on 6 January but the first search of her bungalow was unsuccessful because of "the large amount of personal property and papers within", Det Insp Kevin Dolan said in a statement.

Police returned the next day with a truck and a skip to clear it out and conduct a second search.

Det Insp Dolan said Ms Cunnane's body was found in a bedroom "under a substantial pile of clothing and other items".

Pathologist Philip Lumb said Miss Cunnane died as a result of bronchial pneumonia, and also had cancer.

Coroner Mr Pollard recorded a verdict of death by natural causes.

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WOW! Can you imagine!!?? I love to shop. I hope I don't turn into one of these old ladies who compulsively shops to make herself feel better :::: looks away innocently::::

Busy Day....

2009-07-30T23:46:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a hard day. Everything finally hit me and I had a hard time holding myself together.. Actually - I didn't.

David is campaigning against me via Facebook mostly with Andrew. He is the weakest link and David knows it. Why put a guilt trip on an 11 year old? He wasn't taking care of them at his house, and I can. There is no reason for them to live like that, and if he treated them like he treated me in the last week, he definitely doesn't need to have them there. Darienne, Jack and Matt are happy as clams to be home and are settling nicely. Darienne even took the boys to the pool by herself (with Andrew's help) today. A really big FIRST for her. I need my family together and having all four children together is crucial. I need to know they are safe and taken care of. I will not let ANY of them go back with him without a fight.

I called a cab today. I had to go to the Federal court house (AGAIN) and refile for divorce. Last week I had retracted my claim because David had convinced me to. I went to Kinkos (23.00 for copies!) The post office to serve him his papers (10.00 to serve by mail) and for the cab (60.00!!!!). But it is done, and I feel good about it. Next week I will find out if they will waive my court fees or not ::: Crossing fingers & toes ::::

I have almost everything back in order now. All of the ebay items that were in limbo this past week have been shipped, the house is clean, everything is almost put away and the laundry.... Well.... The laundry. :/ I'm working on it.

Saturday...

2009-07-26T01:15:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was Pioneer Day here in Utah. It is amazing how Patriotic the LDS faith is. The neighborhood was lined with American flags and people took the day to celebrate the pioneers that were persecuted by the government for their religion. It amazes me. They suffered so much yet the Church has so much respect for the government and its laws. We didn't do anything (of course) but hopefully next year we will be full fledge Utonions and honor it.

Last night we had a lightening storm for hours with fire works also lighting the sky. I layed on the trampoline with the kids for a while watching.

Today David was baptised. It was a pinnacle part in his life. I am glad he did it. Darienne gave the opening prayer, Andrew read scripture and I got con'ed into giving the benediction. We sang Closer my God to Thee ( I picked it!), and the pianist played it while we were waiting. Again, I thought of the brave band on the Titanic, playing for the passengers, giving them comfort in the last few minutes of their tragic lives..

Afterwards we went to Hollywood where we rented "The Day the Earth Stood Still".

Since I have been pretty much in the dark about anything going on these days, I had no idea if it was even watchable. I <3'ed>

Happy Birthday Andrew Reid!

2009-07-23T18:34:00.006-06:00

Today is Andrew's 11th birthday! Eleven years ago I held my newborn son in my arms in a tiny hospital room in Corvallis, Oregon. A little more than two hours of labor and he was born. Of course I had been on bedrest since week 26, and he was born 3 weeks early.
My sweet Andrew... I am very proud of him.

Vanilla Sky....

2009-07-21T19:43:00.003-06:00

My life has been chaos. Friday night was a turning point and Saturday morning was the lowest I have ever felt.
I had made the decision to do what my children wanted the most. To be together. To be a complete family. In that decision I had to give up the love of my life.
Saturday morning I called the paramedics to the apartment we shared to save his life. A bottle of ambien that he swallowed, nearly killed him. My ambien. My fault. I was the reason for his feeling.
The kids are all very happy. Their prayers are full of thanks for the family again, but my heart will never be whole again.
I love my children more than they will ever know....

72 year old Trying to have a baby???!!

2009-07-15T11:07:00.003-06:00

wow. Just wow. Can you even imagine? I pulled this from the AOL news:

72-Year-Old Woman Trying to Have Baby

(July 14) - The last thing on the mind of a 72-year-old woman just might be having a baby. But that's not the case for Jenny Brown. The British septuagenarian who lives in London is desperately trying to get pregnant, according to The Daily Mail.
So far, Brown has spent nearly $50,000 on six in vitro fertilization treatments in the United States and Italy, and has been unsuccessful in getting pregnant. She says she's ready to spend more and will travel to IVF clinics around the world that offer treatment to women her age.
Brown said she waited until later in life to try to conceive because she had been busy pursuing various academic degrees when she was younger.
"My studies meant that children kept getting delayed. The right time finally came in my early fifties and since then I've been attempting -- and failing -- with IVF," she told The Daily Mail.
If Brown does have a child, she would become the oldest mother in the world. Critics have called her irresponsible for trying to get pregnant at her age.
"She is at high risk of preeclampsia, miscarriage and diabetes. She also won't have enough energy to care for the child properly and is ultimately being irresponsible," one critic said.
But Brown, who's never married or been in a serious relationship, said she's ready for the challenge.
"I know it'll be hard work. It'll change my life completely and I'm prepared for that," she said.
Brown is appealing for women aged between 20 and 35 to come forward as possible egg donors.
"It's important that I carry the baby myself because I believe that even if I get pregnant with a donated egg I will pass genetic material on to the baby while I carry it in the womb," Brown said.
Read more about her story on

Sobe Water! YUM!!!!!!

2009-07-13T22:56:00.002-06:00

Today was a good day... I got up early, got through my morning. I put in a couple job applications ( YUCK ) and found an awesome coffee table at a thrift store for a steal ($20). I am very proud of my find....
It was another scorching hot summer day in Utah.. I managed to stay cool with lots of A/C and my newest found love Sobe Life Water - Fuji Apple Pear. Its the next best thing to my iced tea I gave up, and its good for me. No cals, no sweetener, just water with a yummy aftertaste. Now if I could only buy it in a case, I would be set!

My Nerds :)

2009-07-13T11:03:00.000-06:00

Dare and Jack being goofs :)

migraines suck..

2009-07-13T09:29:00.004-06:00

Migraine... I hate them..
I had an awful one yesterday, one that I could NOT get rid of. After three vicodin and two Imitrex I finally gave up my fight and went to bed.
Church was good yesterday. I missed Matt and Andrew, they went with their Dad to his Ward, so I felt a little empty with just Jack and Darienne at my side. Jack slept the entire service across our laps, so it made for a nice peaceful sacrament meeting.
Today is going to be a productive day. It needs to be, now I just need to make it happen.

Ahhhhhh XANAX!

2009-07-11T23:16:00.003-06:00

Today is just one of those days where Xanax came to the rescue. I am just having a tough day..
I bought some material to make some throw pillows for the couch but I didn't have the desire to start sewing so I put it in the closet for something to do tomorrow...
Finally, finally went to best buy and was able to get an ink cartridge ( they actually had it in STOCK!) and bought a few movies. Vanilla Sky - love how messed up it is, and Raising Arizona. Classic.
Now I am off to sleep...

A couch!

2009-07-10T22:12:00.003-06:00

Today was a good day. Much better than it has been. We finally found a couch! Yay! It was my bright Idea to leave our couch in Oregon and get one out here. I had no idea that money would be so tight. Finally we have something other than pillows on the floor to watch movies on in the living room.. We are getting civilized!
It was really hot today.. 105 degrees. Definitely summer, and definitely July...
Finally this evening it cooled off and we were able to enjoy it some. Went for a walk to the park and let Jack play on the playground until the mosquitos were eating Darienne alive..

WOW!

2009-07-10T11:32:00.001-06:00

WOW!!! This is insane!

A woman possessed by the "most beautifiliest angel lusefer" and claims to be the "reincarnation of Venus Aphrodite Demilo" has filed a $3 billion lawsuit against Hugh Hefner, suing him for ... well ... it's nearly impossible to tell. Sheri Allred -- who also calls herself "the biggest hat in the world" -- claims Hefner is a member of a pedophile organization and once hid under her bed when she was five-years-old in order to do naughty things to her.And that's just the beginning ... seriously, just read it for yourself.

http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_documents/0709_hugh_hefner.pdf

Fireworks!!

2009-07-09T16:15:00.002-06:00

Just sharing some pics of the kids on the 4th of July. I bought a few firework and a package of sparklers.. They had a ton of fun with the sparklers, they were the real deal, metal ones, not like what they have been selling in Oregon for the last 15 years so they were pretty... Jack keeps asking for more.. ;)

7/8/9

2009-07-09T08:50:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a big day for me... I went to the store first thing in the am, bought a new print cartridge and came home and printed the divorce packets AGAIN three times. I ran out of ink AGAIN. Went to the courthouse and filed for divorce on 7/8/09. I served him via certified mail. He should recieve the papers today in the mail... I am anxious and ready to get this over with...
Darienne went to her Dads yesterday and her and Andrew and Matt went with their Dad to the Temple open house.
We ran around all day and finally at the end of the day Jack was exhausted and grumpy and worn out from everything..

Some Pics from the 4th!!

2009-07-08T00:24:00.000-06:00

waste of time....

2009-07-07T19:52:00.004-06:00

Today was a complete waste of time. Nothing was acomplished. I was up until 4 am working on the divorce paperwork. I went to the courthouse to file, only to find out I need THREE copies, and my printer didn't complete my paperwork. I went to the store, bought paper, came home, printed it again, only to RUN out of ink.... Seriously.. I want to scream. Poke my eyes out. Something...

I am at my breaking point today.. I wish I could run into a hole and hide for a while..

Now I sit here, with a stack of papers that make NO sense, trying to figure it out and knowing I am going to have to go to the store and buy ink with money I can't spend... BLAH!

The "D" word!

2009-07-07T02:02:00.002-06:00

Soo its 2 am and I up filling for divorce. This time its official, the real deal. I am only 46% done filling the forms out but I am getting there. I hoping I can get them served today.

I can't even begin to tell you how I spent Saturday night....

Confirmation!!!

2009-07-05T00:20:00.002-06:00

Today was our confirmation day! We were confirmed with Andrew and Darienne. Something that hasn't happened in our Ward, ever. They have had one or two from a family but not four. So it was a special moment, for us and the church.

Inspiration....

2009-07-04T00:01:00.001-06:00

Since Andrew and Darienne had been baptized last Sunday, the calm and safe feeling I have gotten from that definitely inspired me to speed up my own baptism and I was able to get in 6 days after my kiddos were.

I was baptised into the Christ of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on July 4th, 2009. Justin was baptised on the same day, following mine.

Elder Epps came back from his other service to give us both the baptisms, Elder Heath came from his other services to give prayers and talks, many people from the ward showed up for support (even though it was a holiday!) and the twins that sang at the kids baptism brough some friends (TWIN boys) and they sang a quartet. It was beautiful.... Of course I picked a patriotic song for ours, Battle of the Republic and Closer thee to God. It was a beautiful service..

Afterwards we met the most amazing people. They took us to lunch and we had a great time getting to know them. I really hope we can meet up with them again. They were incredible!

Tales From the Laundry Mat....

2009-07-03T11:41:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of going to the laundry mat. Having a functional washer and dryer is something you definitely take for granted. There is no joy in having to take your clothes to a public place to be cleaned other than the fact they are all done at once.
BLECK!

Happy 13th Birthday Darebear!!!

2009-06-28T23:29:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was Darienne's birthday... We had a small party for her. Just family. I made a very yummmy chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream frosting. I decorated the top with a Tyranosaurus Rex ( Darienne's request ) and put pink candles on all thirteen.

It was just us and the kids, and a few missionaries to celebrate but it was a nice little time. She opened a few presents, we ate cake and ice cream and voila! Darienne is NOW 13!!!!

Lego Delight!

2009-06-28T23:19:00.004-06:00

What happens when you have missionaries at your house everyday???

----->

Why its a Lego Temple! Complete with Angel on top!! The kids had a blast playing on the floor with the legos this weekend but I think the missionaries had even more fun.

Baptisms!

2009-06-28T22:50:00.003-06:00

Today was a good day. Had a rough start. Darienne didn't exactly want to get up and get ready this morning but we got everyone ready and out the door and we got to church a few minutes late but we got there.

Matt had a skit in which he played the Pharoh in the story of "Joseph and his Coat of many Colors".

We came home, ate dinner and got dressed up again for Andrew and Darienne's baptisms. We got down there early ( yay! not late this time ) and actually found the stake house ( this was the third time we were supposed to go to it and hadn't found it ).

Andrew went first, Darienne second and Elder Epps Baptised them. So many people in the church came to support the kids. The Relief Society President played the piano for the hymns. The missionaries Elder Heath and Elder Manjerrez did a presentation on baptism and did the opening and closing prayers. The Bishop talked twice, some girls from another ward came and sang a beautiful song. And our closing hymn was "Nearer my God, to thee". It was ultimately an absolutely grand experience.

Darienne was also voted in as Secretary for her Young Womans group.

Elder Epps played the piano afterwards and we stayed until he was done playing. They all came home with us afterwards.

Now its quiet. Just Darienne and Moo are making noise, taking a bath. She is almost ready for camp in the morning!!!!

darebear...

2009-06-26T23:00:00.004-06:00

Darienne is almost 13! Ackk.. Officially one more hour and I will officially be OLD.. OLD enough to be the mother of a teenager. Scary stuff...
Earlier this week she stood in line for three hours to get Ashley Tisdale's autograph and was pretty proud of herself. Matt stood in line too and got an autograph for Lili.
They wouldn't allow any pictures but here is Dare all dolled up on her way to go...

Rainbow!

2009-06-26T22:54:00.003-06:00

This afternoon after a short and sweet thunderstorm a beautiful and brilliant rainbow appeared in a perfect arch right in front of our building.. I tried to take a picture but since I suck and my point and shoot camera doesn't do panaramic I didn't get the entire Rainbow in one shot but I had to share..

itchy and scratchy.....

2009-06-26T22:33:00.002-06:00

Hmm...

I am itchy.. I have hives all over my legs and now my arms. I don't know what is causing it. Blah. I haven't been this uncomfortable in a long time.. It hurts and itches..

Darienne

2009-06-25T00:30:00.001-06:00

My Darienne who loves to take pics took this picture of her feet when we were at the park.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda....

2009-06-24T23:23:00.002-06:00

I should be packing Darienne for camp but we are snuggled up in bed together, giggling and making fun of ourselves in pictures... Amazingly enough Jack went to bed early, like hours ago. Go figure.
I should be making arrangements for Darienne's birthday party that is going to be totally impromptu this year. I am going to make her a yummy-licious chocolate cake and thats about as far as I have planned.. I hope I can pull myself together and get things going.. It is my daughters THIRTEENTH Birthday party!!!! I am going to have a TEENAGER! ME! I can't believe it!!! Its un real!!!!!!!

Preisthood Blessing..

2009-06-24T23:06:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I started not feeling so hot by early afternoon. I had a Doctor appointment with a general practicianer to establish a Dr. here in Utah for my Meds and to treat my ever so lovely Migraines, insomnia and depression with anxiety. Fun times. I got my meds, Topamax, Imatrax, Lortab, and Flexeril for the Migraines, Ambien for the insomnia and Prozac and Xanax for the depression and anxiety. FUN! He was a very nice doctor, in his late 40's I am guess with a sunny disposition. I felt comfortable with him and asked if he would like to be my Dr. It was a comfortable visit.
But.. By the time I left I knew I should have mentioned my pain. I was stressed that day and my ulcer pain was KILLING me. We had a few places we needed to go and the pain just kept growing. It got to where moving at all or breathing for that matter was painful. I knew I needed to go to the ER, get some Nexium and some super duper tummy number. But I decided to go home and lay down.
I called the missionaries and asked if they would come and do a preisthood blessing on me. I was in soo much pain when they arrived. They prayed for me for a few minutes and I felt better a few minutes later. By the time I woke up this morning I felt allll better. I am thankful for their help and wisdom.

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

2009-06-24T11:04:00.001-06:00

Alice in Wonderland (2010), originally uploaded by mediaatmidnight.

Wow.. I cannot wait for this movie. I love Tim Buton movies!!

Pictures from the Temple...

2009-06-22T22:18:00.004-06:00

Some pictures I forgot to share of the temple.

If you look really close, the angel (Moroni) at the top was struck by lightening in one of our reccent storms. They will have to retouch him before the dedication ceremony in August.

Kodak Moments....

2009-06-22T12:40:00.001-06:00

Ahhh.... There is nothing like a good family photo with your son picking his nose :P

Thoughts for today...

2009-06-17T12:02:00.001-06:00

This pretty much sums up how I feel about today......

Tuesday Stuff....

2009-06-16T15:24:00.002-06:00

Today has been one of those days that has just flown by. I haven't done much. We went to the mall and Darienne picked out a few new dresses for church. Its been a BATTLE trying to get her to wear a dress, so I made a deal with her to let her pick out her own style and she found a CUTE black and white dress and a black and blue dress.

Jack had a major meltdown in the middle of the mall when he realized I was NOT going to carry him ( I made the mistake of leaving the stroller at home ) and for a few minutes he was a crying mess...

Now, its bill time. YUCK.

I have an appt with the State Bar tonight. I'm nervous.

At least I got my Birth Certificate today in the mail :) I am validated! I have been without for a while..

P.S. I finally got an invitation to my Sister's wedding ( this weekend ) that we can't attend. I bet it will be beautiful.

Monday Monday....

2009-06-15T18:53:00.002-06:00

I signed Darienne up for summer camp. I know it will be good for her. She was a little hesitant when I told her there was going to be 3000 other girls but at least she will be with the girls in her youth group. I am excited for her. I think it will be a great experience. That was one of the things I wish I had done when I was growing up. She leaves two days after her birthday and comes home the 3rd of July..

Yesterday the kids didn't go to church. :/ I was disapointed but there was little I could do. Andrew called and told me he had a migraine and Matt and Darienne weren't feeling good either.

Going to the temple.....

2009-06-10T20:27:00.003-06:00

Today we went on a tour of the Oquirrh Mountain Utah Temple... It was incredible inside and really an amazing place to go into. I feel very fortunate for being able to go see such a beautiful place.

Why?

2009-06-09T00:39:00.002-06:00

Why?
Its one of those days where I have to stop and ask "why"?

Why is there beige carpet in my dining room?? The only dining area in my apartment? Who would think up such a thing? Only a man ( but thats jmo )... Today Jack insisted on some hot cocoa, to which when I turned my back and heard "UHH OHHH" and knew that I would be spot cleaning for a while..

Thunder!!!!!!

2009-06-08T16:00:00.002-06:00

Unbelieveable!!! Look at the weather for the ENTIRE week here! I have never seen so much thunder and lightening in my life!!!

Utah State

2009-06-08T13:52:00.003-06:00

After trying allll morning to get on the phone I finally got through and I have an appointment next Tuesday night at the Utah State Bar for Legal help. Hopefully I can get some where now with the divorce, and legal binding in the child custody.
In Oregon I had a parenting plan for 2009 submitted and signed by us both. But now that we have both moved here to Utah, that parenting plan has pretty much been thrown out the window. Matt has been staying with him and its been chaos.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons...

2009-06-08T01:38:00.004-06:00

Darienne and I had the entire night to ourselves ( well Moo the incredible kitten was with us too) so we spent our time listening to music, surfing the web and finally settling on watching a movie online. We were able to agree on "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons".. Very interesting movie, and not what I expected at all. Brad Pitt still has a little charm left in him..

Darienne and I had the fantastic idea of snacking on crackers while we watched the movie, only we are laying in my bed watching it on the computer...

I had a long day.. Will have to post about it in the morning when I have more brain cells awake....

Random thoughts for today

2009-06-06T23:14:00.002-06:00

At least I figured out why the garage was open (again!) as for the second time it was left WIDE open. The boys pushed the electric door opener that was on the counter.. Now, here is the ironic part. When driving past the garage you literally have to be right in front of the door to make it open, who would have thought that two floors up and in the apartment they could open the door. Makes me think of that commercial where the guy is playing with the light switch and his neighbors garage door keeps opening and shutting..

It was a beautiful day today. The last few days have been thunderstorms and yesterday it was so dense you could NOT see the mountains.. The mountains here are breath taking and not being able to see them was actually very depressing. But not for anything could I pull myself together enough to enjoy the day. I did go down to the garage a few times, but that was the stint of my outdoor activities for the day..

Yesterday was better than today, if you can imagine that. Yesterday I cleaned, baked brownies and had dinner ready by five ( Thats supper time! ) Today we had either tuna or pb&j sandwiches to choose from for dinner and poptarts for desert. WOW.. I suck.

David dropped the kids off today 6 hours earlier than scheduled so he could spend extra time with his new girlfriend. Apparently a 37 year old woman he met off of of a singles.com two weeks ago is more important than spending time with Jack who he NEVER sees. His loss..

Testing...

2009-06-05T21:06:00.002-06:00

Wow... Life has been challenging this week. I have tried my best to keep my self respect and keep my dignity but it has been hard.

Marilyn Monroe....

2009-06-01T13:01:00.000-06:00

Today is Marilyn Monroe's would be 83rd Birthday... She is one of my favorite classic hollywood tragic icons.. Her story is so bittersweet, I can't help but be inclined to want to know more about her...
They found some unreleased pictures in a New Jersey store house recently and released them on the web today.. They are from when she was very young, innocent and full of hope.. I had to share.. --->

New PC....

2009-05-29T12:10:00.000-06:00

I got a new computer this morning after a tragic accident last night with my laptop that resulted in a broken screen... I was devestated but things are looking up I think, at least better than when I went to sleep....

+

I'm back!

2009-05-27T23:38:00.000-06:00

Ohhh it feels good to be back.. I haven't had internet in soo long!!!!!!! The Comcast man came today and dropped off the modem and we got it all set up this evening ( I had to go to squatmart for an ethernet before we could use it) but Its ONLINE! This is the longest I have gone without having a connection of my own.. A month, I feel so cut off!!!!!

Temple, Axiety and ER Fun!

2009-05-27T23:30:00.000-06:00

Just some more pictures of the boys we took them down to the temple on Saturday, the museum and just looking around. They had fun..

I over did myself and had a panic attack that afternoon that was soo bad I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the ER.. After a battery of tests they had no real explaination for what was going on other than all the stress I am going through was probably causing me to have a severe anxiety attack. Great!!

Pool Days!!

2009-05-27T23:24:00.000-06:00

The pool opened this past friday at our appartments and the kids have been going NUTS.. Everyday they have wanted to and have gone and they have a blast.

Jack and Matt wear life jacket still but Andrew is quite the swimmer. He is our hard-core swimming kid, he will stay in the pool long after we get in the hot tub to warm up.

So far we haven't had to fight off too many other people. Mostly because it was a holiday weekend and people were probably out and about.

Even Darienne has enjoyed going down ( always on the lookout for a hot young boy of course!)...

Memorial Day

2009-05-27T22:18:00.000-06:00

I thought why not go to Salt Lake and take the kids to see what it was all about, since we live here and its such an interesting place. 5 times saltier than the ocean, no animals to worry about since its uninhabitable and you can't sink, your so boyant anyone can swim... I probably should have noticed that there weren't a lot of people on the sandy shore and not many in the lake..

It was pretty exciting just being there, the kids were so ready to swimming. I had everything we needed and headed down the trail to the shore. The first thing we noticed was the putrid smell, Matt and Jack were gagging. Darienne and Andrew did their best, but the smell was overpowering. Andrew was on a hunt for rocks after that and Matt wasn't far behind him. Darienne just wanted to text on the phone

After that we down a little further to a sandier beach and we were all ready to go diving in for a swim... Well everyone but Darienne. She agreed to wade in and sit on an island. It was great fun until the boys (Matt and Jack ) started crying and screaming "It BURNS, IT BURNS"... :/ So much for our adventure at the lake.. Matt eventually stopped freaking out and he layed in a shallow pool and just enjoyed the sun for a bit. Jack and I went out a little further and floated a little bit. Andrew and Justin had a blast, they were out there a ways and said they could not sink.

We got out and sat on the sand for a little bit and the amount of salt that was drying on my skin was incredible..

It was definitely an adventure. Gorgeous, but I think the next time we go back to the Great Salt lake I will be in a boat...

Still here...........

2009-05-19T13:08:00.000-06:00

Still here!

One more day in Oregon...... Our car had to go to the car Dr. again this morning because the engine light came on last night. Its back and all ready to go so we will leave tomorrow am... I am ready to go home but I am also apprehensive to leave. Out in the world again by ourselves. I will miss Justin's Mom's cooking, lol..

Saturday fun...........

2009-05-16T17:31:00.000-06:00

Its just me being silly taking a picture of myself in the basement when I was helping Justin today..........

My boys ( Justin and Jack ) are taking a nap, they are both worn out from the work they did today.

Jack had a blast today.. He got to ride/drive the tractor and was soo happy he had a perma grin. I got some cute pics:

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream..

2009-05-16T01:57:00.000-06:00

Its late.. Really late.. Just laying here waiting for my sleeping meds to kick in.

I am troubled...

I miss the kids, they need me. I need to get back to Utah. I am so worried about Matt and Darienne. Andrew is doing good, he is my good boy, him and Darienne are holding everything together for me until I get there.

I have so much around me going on, I feel like I am in a snow globe and the snow is everything swirling around me so much I can't see through it.

my sweet baby boy!!!

2009-05-15T02:55:00.001-06:00

We had a LONG day today and before we knew it the day had turned to night... Justin's parents came down to see how we were progressing and wouldn't you know the house was a wreck! :/ I had a migraine for a good portion of the afternoon and laid down and had just started on it when they came by...

They asked if they could take Jack home while we locked up and he was more than happy to get in their car and go, silly boy ;) When we got up to the house he was eating with Justin's dad and had really chowed down! We were all curled up on the couch watching a show called "In the Wild" when Moses the domesticated panther cat crawled up on our laps and let Jack know he did not want competition. Jack had enough and crawled up on Jim's (Justin's Dad) and fell asleep... It was so sweet I had to take a picture :D

Maggie Moo-Moo

2009-05-15T02:09:00.000-06:00

Darienne got a kitten last week. We were driving around South Jordan and we drove past a man who was holding up and adorable Black kitten. We turned around and stopped and went to see what it was about.. The kitten was scared and growled at us, but I just knew she was Perfect! He had another long haired white kitten that was absolutely adorable but this kitten was the one for us..

Darienne named her Moo-Moo.. She will have to elaborate on that one, I can't remember why she named it that other than we ate at an ice cream place called Maggie Moo-moo's the night before..

Darienne has fallen in love with the kitten and it is truely her cat.. I think its good for her ;)

Crazy Day

2009-05-15T01:38:00.000-06:00

Today when we were out and about on an adventure downtown Eugene we were parked in the parking lot when a red subarau slammed into the car and tried to drive away.... Justin got out and tried to get the plate and I layed on the horn and the car backed up and did it again, and again and then scratched the entire side of his car along ours as I was honking the horn..

It was an elderly man, very confused and should NOT have been driving. At first he was mad and tried to leave, but there was a detective out of uniform at the store we were parked at and he was witness to the whole calamity..

When we left the parking lot I looked across the street and saw this van with this Arizona license plate... I had to share.. Why????????

Goat Child......

2009-05-14T09:24:00.000-06:00

The day before we left for Oregon I had to go to Urgent care... There was a little boy there whose name was Darien. He was running around wild and hit the wall and put a huge dent in it. I couldn't help myself but taking a picture of it. The mom eventually got the little boy up by it and I got a picture of that as well. Shameless I am, but it was amusing at the time...

Tuesdays gone...

2009-05-13T11:45:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was fairly unproductive.... We went to Alsea to check on my mother and that was about it... We spent the rest of the afternoon sorting out things in our old house since we still have a TON of furniture we were not able to take to Utah and will have to sell. Being there makes me feel lost and its no longer home...

We quit early and came up to Justin's parents house early and Jack who had been BEGGING to ride the 4 wheeler got to go for a short ride in the driveway before it got dark. He was thrilled and keeps talking about it...

Last night Justin's mom read books to Jack which was the first time she has taken any initiative to have any one on one with him so it was a step in acceptance.

I can't wait to get back home to Darienne and the boys... Utah is home now.

Feeding the Fishies

2009-05-12T12:01:00.000-06:00

We were being lazy and had a late start this morning and Jack wanted to feed the fish so Justin and Jack went to feed them.. There are two ponds of koi, they fed the smaller ones. I snuck out with my camera and caught them ;)

Exploring Down by the Temple....

2009-05-12T00:56:00.000-06:00

Before we left Utah a few days ago, Darienne, Justin and I went exploring downtown by the temple in Salt Lake City. It was Gorgeous. The tabernacle was amazing, the temple was incredible ( from the outside of course) and there were so many beautiful flowers planted. I took some pics of us being silly of course...

Sadness............

2009-05-12T00:35:00.000-06:00

I am disgusted with my father... For reasons I can't yet talk about on here, but one I just have to get out and off my chest...
Today while we were in Alsea, Justin pulled my Dad aside outside and talked to him privately and apologized about how he had treated me in the last few weeks before I left for Utah and that he hoped he could some day forgive him. My Father replied with a question "(smirk) what did she do?" As if I had caused or deserved that.........

Now, If I was born into another age or culture where women are treated like dogs I could learn to find this acceptable. But being born in 1977 in the United States of America I am NO ones bitch!

I am so hurt that my own father would think this way :(

scared.....

2009-05-12T00:22:00.000-06:00

I had a long day today, most of which I spent in Alsea with my Mother. I wasn't able to spend Mother's Day with her yesterday so I tried to make up for it today. I bought a card on the way, last minute shopping and picked a bouquet of wild flowers and brought them to her.
It was good seeing her. I haven't seen her since Easter and Easter was a confusing time for everyone. And I got to spend time with her alone since my sister and Dad were otherwise occupied.
I am worried about my mother, much more than I have ever been. She is most likely, scientifically speaking 14 weeks into her gestation. Tomorrow I am dragging her to the dr. to see what is going on and what to do now.
Out of all the trouble with all that is going on with David and the kids, this is way more than I can take right now. I am worried for her health and safety... Ughh!!

psycho?

2009-05-10T23:03:00.000-06:00

Ha.... I couldn't help but take a pic... The Bates MoteL?? Are you kidding me?? We didn't stop long, just enough for the picture... Seriously, who would stay here???

Back to Utah (the first time)

2009-05-10T21:55:00.000-06:00

Our trip back to Utah started off typical. The pictures explain it all:

We hadn't left the driveway and Jack was crying and saying that Darienne had called him names...

We stopped a few times down the road. We found some rocks at a potty stop and even Darienne got into it. There was obsidian everywhere and Darienne found a big rock that she is bound and determined to sell it on eBay to make some money for her shopping habit ;)

It was a nice trip.... The rain followed us from Oregon all the way to Utah. It felt so good to be back even though we had a trailer full of stuff to unload and unpack and the Tahoe was packed full of stuff.

I went back to the house and got the rest of the things from David's house. It was chaotic. Most of Jack's clothes are missing and I gathered alll of my things that I had taken with me.

There is probably a mis-conception about why and what I was doing there, and why my thingshad to be retrieved. Put simply, I went to Utah with David and the kids and less than five days later I had to leave. Jack and Darienne came with me and Matt and Andrew remain with him for now.

Any respect I had for David is gone. If I thought he was an asshole before, it is nothing compared to how he treated me in the few days I spent with him. I left Oregon in short notice, leaving Justin a goodbye letter and I didn't think things could go on anymore. I went to Utah with David and the kids because he was going, taking Andrew and I saw it as a way out. It wasn't and I regreted my decision from the time I left Eugene. I spent most of my two and a half day trip in a prescription drug induced haze that can only be recalled through pictures and Darienne's testimony.

Justin found my letter when he got home later that day and quickly figured out where I had gone. He dropped everything and drove straight to Utah to find me. I had talked with him briefly via email a few times but we had no idea that we were that close.

The night of the "alamo" we both stayed in the same hotel with NO knowledge of either one staying there.

The day before I left David's house we had been fighting for days and I just wanted to get out. I got ready for the day, put a few extra things in my purse and told David I was going to go for a walk. I did, but by that time I had contacted Justin to help me and he rescued me yet again.

Now I am back to square one, trying to rebuild my relationship with Justin and trying to keep myself together. We found a lovely townhouse just a few miles from David's house and the kids will be able to go to the same school district no matter who they live with.

Our first trip back to Utah we managed to bring a few things but we are really starting over. Its a new life and we are LOVING Utah......

i
n

Back to Oregon Part 1

2009-05-10T11:58:00.000-06:00

unlike Oregon, it seems you have to pump your own gas every where else. I got out of the car and tried to help wash the windows in a desolate town in Idaho that I never wish to go back to. It was windy, dirty and not for me. It didn't stop Darienne and I from posing for a picture though....

Darienne, Jack, Justin and I left for Oregon on April 25th.. We started out early and despite the ocassional fight between Jack and Darienne it was a quiet trip.. We drove and drove until we reached Ontario, Oregon and checked into a hotel for the night and left early the next morning.

We made it back to Eugene about five that day. We stayed a week at his parents and during the day we packed our house and finished up some loose ends.

MIA

2009-05-09T22:47:00.000-06:00

Its been an intense and very busy last several weeks in my life. No internet connection has me virtually mentally backed up with blogs yet to be written. I do have lots to write, pictures I want to share and I will, I promise as soon as my new power cord comes in the mail via eBay.

We just arrived at Justin's parents house back in Eugene a few hours ago, and I am exhaused. I will post more tomorrow...

On the way here we stopped for a little exercise for pent up Jack and Justin at Belnap Springs in Lane County. Lots of gorgeous sights to see!

Here I am, laying in bed with Jack and Justin at his parents house yet again. Our second trip back to Oregon in the last two weeks. Its nice to lay here

New House....

2009-04-23T10:42:00.000-06:00

We moved into our new house last night. I am still amazed at the fact I am living in UTAH! I never thought I would find myself here. Everything is a mess!!! But I know where the coffee pot is and that is a good thing...

Its a cute house, just enough room for the kids, and in a quiet neighborhood.

hoooray!!!

2009-04-22T17:08:00.000-06:00

We got the house!!! yay!!! Its in West Jordan ( one of the nicest suburbs in Salt Lake City).. Thank goodness!!!! We are unpacking and setting up camp now.. Phew!!!!

Just a little Retail Therapy...

2009-04-21T23:37:00.000-06:00

Nothing feels right. I love being here, but every attempt we have made to find somewhere has ended in a dead end.. I want to stay here. I will not go back to Oregon. I just want things to work out. I want to be near ALL my children and be happy at the same time.

I went to Gymboree today to get the boys a few things with my Gymbucks. I got a few cute things...

Then I went into Anne Taylor and bought myself a really sweet green, yellow and white sundress with coordinating cardigan that I cannot wait to wear!!!!

I went to Gymboree today to get the boys a few things with my Gymbucks. I got a few cute things...

Darienne got a cute new bikini that is lime green and black zebra striped and we called it a retail day.. I am so tired but I can't sleep.....

another disapointing day...

2009-04-21T21:13:00.000-06:00

We had another disapointing day. The house I really had my heart set on we were denied. Blah.. Right now we have ONE house that we hAVE to get. I can't go back to Oregon. I need to move on with my life from here. I have to make it work here. A fresh start. I love it here, I just need a home. Another night staying in a hotel, waiting to hear back from the realtor. Please pray for us that we get this and the kids can get settled in. I am so broken right now. We drove around for a while and went to a park so some kids could play, went shopping for a while and pretty much just waited to hear back from SOMEONE.... I'm glad its sleepy med time. I can't take anymore of this day.... Tomorrow something has got to give..

more pics from today....

2009-04-20T23:42:00.000-06:00

The Alamo

2009-04-20T23:11:00.001-06:00

Today was a bad one..

We started the day out with NOTHING for Jack to wear (everything is burried in the moving truck). We drove to the nearest Baby Gap and got him outfited.

We had to meet the Realtor at 12 and about 1/2 mile from the rental the car STOPED and wouldn't work. We had to call a tow truck and have our Bronco and Uhaul trailor TOWED to look at the rental. The fuel filter was clogged?? Anyway, it just added to the wonders of the day.. I call it an intervention from God. Too bad it cost us $75 in the process..

The closer we got the more I felt it was a sign from God to NOT live there. Upon seeing the house I declared that I would not live there, but I did do a "walk " just out of polietness. The realtor was a douchebag. He kept telling that this was his nicest rental.

Now, I guess the whole story would make sense. David had contacted him a few weeks ago, and he had talked about having a lot of properties for rent in the Salt Lake Area ( around 50 ). Today he tells us this is the only one available now and its the nicest one, and its in a ghetto neighborhood. I have to share pics. Andrew thought it was the Alamo..

I am just thankful its bedtime.. I am ready for this awful day to be overwit

P.S. We are still in a hotel room.. I am tired of it. :/

Tomorrow we meet with a REAL realtor with a potential house that we looked at today.

Day #2

2009-04-20T22:50:00.000-06:00

Sunday we got up and left Oregon, but only after I had my first cup of Starbucks for the day of course! Look how grumpy Darienne and I look!!! hahaha... We drove through Idaho, and I am soo glad I don't live there. Bleck! It was so flat, and blah..... Driving through it seemed to take forever and by the time we reached Utah the landscape changed to a little more interesting. Not exactly what I was imagining. We made it to Salt Lake last night and stayed in a hotel. The kids were zonked by the time we got situated..

The day I left...

2009-04-18T22:39:00.000-06:00

Saturday was very big day for us.. We left for Salt Lake City, Utah. Things had been spiraling down hill for the last several months and it had become unbearable. Something had to give. So I did. I packed as fast as I could and loaded a u-haul and looked back at Eugene, Oregon for what felt like the last time. I tried to soak up as much wet and green as I could because I knew where I was going it would not be the same. It was a hard day, I cried a lot. I felt guilty. We drove until we reached Ontario, Oregon and stayed the night in a Holiday Inn.. I didn't sleep much but the kids seem to be pretty excited...

Fishing with the Boys...

2009-04-17T10:49:00.000-06:00

Yesterday we took the boys (Jack and Matt) to the spot on the river where we spent our first day together. Justin and Matt fished while Jack colored and decorated himself with stickers, threw rocks into the river and I read..

The weather was gorgeous, and perfect for an outing..

I have definitely come full circle...

Easter....

2009-04-14T00:45:00.000-06:00

Easter started early with knocks on our door from Matt and Jack, I opened the door in my sleepy face at a quarter to six and was informed by Matt that the Easter bunny had NOT come, but that it was just the things that Mommy had bought. Matt was digging around in my closet a few days before and discovered my baskets. I guess it was my Bad to have them ready and assembled and his bad for not minding and being in there. Either way, they got their Easter baskets..

We went to Church ( one we had never been to before) for the Easter Service and it was nice. Felt good to be there. There was no nursery, so Jack sat in the service. I'm glad I convinced Justin to go. He hadn't been to church in years...

We went to my parents for Easter after church.. The weather was so yucky the egg hunt was a mess. I didn't take very many pictures yesterday at all.. I am not myself right now...

Betty Crocker-itis

2009-04-11T13:59:00.000-06:00

Its Saturday... I can't believe another Easter is upon us..
Yesterday the kiddos didn't have any school - Good Friday. We ran a few errands but spent most of the day at home.
I had good intentions of going to some of the local Easter egg hunts, but it just didn't work out this year. Last year, the "free" egg hunt at the local church was nothing short of chaos. People came out of nowhere like cockroaches and between the six of us, my children together found ONE egg. But we did enjoy watching the Veggie tales and the play that Matt's Kinder teacher was in, so it wasn't all a loss.
Andrew has a game today. I wish I could be there. The kids are all there watching. Justin has a project going in the backyard. He took an entire section out of our fence, and didn't want the house to be un attended while it is down, so here I am.
Ebay is going good. I am content with that, and should probably list some new auctions. I am just pacing myself.
I made cupcakes to take to my parents tomorrow for Easter dinner. I can't wait to frost and sprinkle them - its my favorite part. I am going to make some magic cookie bars in a bit to take as well. Definitely not my usual GO ALL OUT with the goodies but I am proud of myself for at least an attempt at normal-cy. I still have an apron on, so that should count for something.
I made Lasagna for dinner. Its Andrew's FAVORITE, and no one around here asks for it. I miss making it. Its all ready in the fridge to put in the oven. I feel somewhat accomplished today.
Its been a really hard last few weeks..

My Boys :)

2009-04-09T23:56:00.001-06:00

Here are a few pics of Jack and Andrew at his Wenesday game. Jack is so silly and it looks like his dad has been letting him play in the dirt!!! He looks happy though ;)